Graduate's Panic



Now what?


Four years have passed. Just like they said it would. Four years with my eyes staring at blank pages, awaiting my words. Four years of early starts and waking up at noon. Four years of friendships cheerleading each other and pushing forward each semester. Passed. Just like they said it would. Things fell into place, just like my grandmother promised, things drifted away from me, just like I was warned. I discovered my passions, my loves and loathes, just like I said I would. Only to find myself where I started. Lying in bed at two in the afternoon, staring at my blank wall. Awaiting my words. 

My words of comfort. My words of wisdom I thought I had saved somewhere in the back. But nothing comes. No words for this panic. 

Four years of doing something. Do anything. All has gone. Four years of mustering up the motivation of getting out of bed. Four years. Sometimes not doing it well but trying again tomorrow. Four years of feeling something. 

I thought this would be good for me. For four years I had the career head-on. Four years saying how good it will look on my CV, doing project and project for the experience. Only now to get the "unfortunately you have been unsuccessful" email. The fourth one in two weeks. Was it all worth it? 

Four years have passed. Just like they said.

Now what?

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